Thursday, March 1, 2012
My Midlife Pout
It just came to me during Bible study this morning. The study is titled "The 7th Year" and the assignment was Part 5 of a six-part exercise to make a timeline of our own personal spiritual formation. In Part 5, we are to note our perceptions of God during the different seasons of our life. After a lifetime of ups and downs...of walking near, then less near, then near again...after all we've been through together!...the perception that most closely describes my current season is, "desperate hope." Desperate hope? Why?!
And then it came to me. Although I've perceived the Lord as intimate, even my best friend, for almost two decades...although He's surprised me, thrilled me, provided me with everything I need, directed me whenever I didn't know what to do--really been there for me...He hasn't used me to an extent that shows me I'm a valuable asset to Him. It seems to me He's made a rather hefty investment. But here I am, in midlife, and my life is so little...so inconsequential. The Bible says all His followers will bear fruit, but...where's mine? Why hasn't He allowed more of a return for all His investment in me?
Yes...search me, O Lord...
Well, have I been faithful with what He's given me?
Perhaps, lately, not so much...
He's given me a couple kids to guard, equip, and chauffeur, and sometimes I'm a really bad example to them of patience and grace. Currently, He's assigned me to a distant, little bitty church congregation in the middle of the country that I often chafe to attend. And right now the paychecks are too tight to be fun to manage, so I don't. And to top it all off, how do I respond to my dissatisfaction with my current season? Do I take the matter to my Best Friend and talk it out with Him? No...I pout!
Well, not anymore! The issue is out, I've had my cry of repentance, and I am FREE! Free again to patiently love my teens, worship with my congregation, manage our finances and home, and hope, dream, dance, walk & talk with my Best Friend! Yeah!!!
Parable of the Talents: Matthew 25:14-30
"For everyone who has will be given more, and he will have in abundance. Whoever does not have, even what he has will be taken from him." (Verse 29)